Wound Need
The biggest unmet need of this wound is to open their heart to love, and to have inner peace
With this wound, you’re constantly driven to be competent, responsible, and always doing.
However, you have a deep seated fear of criticism and not having love and respect. And you’re always drive to be doing, without being able to relax.
Wound Pattern
This wound type is a hard working type that strives for perfection and success. They have a hard time relaxing because they love action and doing.
However, they will do anything for you, except tell you their feelings. They have blocked their heart so much, and may no longer know what they are feeling. They guard the heart and stiffen their bodies to avoid criticism.
They have a constant need for achievement and recognition and do not feel that they can be loved for being oneself. They question whether they are worthy and competent.
A person caught in this wound structure has a total focus on keeping the appearance of the outer world perfect. These are the achievers and doers of the world. However, those operating from his wound can feel like a mouse on a treadmill, driven to be constantly achieving and striving for perfection – often with little fulfillment or joy, as they feel great pressure and responsibility.
Life to them is essentially a checklist of ongoing to-do items and challenges to be conquered, and people with this wound type are very competitive within themselves, and secretly with others.
Even when they “win,” their underlying anxiety gives them little time to stop and smell the roses, and take in their achievements. They often feel empty shortly after a big achievement. They are already focusing on the next challenge(s) and items to be ticked off in life. Nothing must challenge their thus far achieved status and level of perfection.
Regardless of how attractive or accomplished they appear, they rarely live up to their own high expectations: on one hand, they seem full of confidence but on the other, they feel they are only as good as their last performance.
Since they base their self-worth on looks and performance, their self-esteem is conditional; underneath their accomplished or beautiful exterior they feel highly flawed.
The illusion of perfection is achieved by continual attention to personal appearance and grooming, the house, the car, the family, the career, the holidays, the social events ‐ nothing escapes scrutiny. Everything in life is under very tight control.
Persons with this wound therefore do not cope well with unforeseen events or circumstances that spoil their plans that see them lose control that expose them to criticism, or expose them to inadequacy or not being perfect.
Even though this person knows that everything is not perfect, a huge amount of effort goes into maintaining the appearance that it is, with no faults, weaknesses or negativity allowed.
So what is wrong with all this you say? Nothing except that it hides a high level of social and general anxiety, it often results in Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorders (GAD), addictions, or burnout long term in an attempt to keep this lifestyle going.
Outsiders imagine that individuals driven by this wound have it all in life, and are often envious of their achievements, but to the perfection-driven persons themselves, they are normally unable to feel or truly be happy within themselves or with their own achievements.
Underneath, the inner world of the soul is denied, and core essence is not given any room to exist. This repression of all emotional energy often leads to over‐use of intellect. Life is managed according to logic and analysis, with no room for intuition, creativity or originality. A person driven by this wound is disciplined, systematic, predictable and organised ‐ and loves it this way! There is also a strong focus on the material world, and everything is taken seriously.
Their blocked heart and the fact that they are always looking for perfection often causes them problems in long-term relationships. They have difficulty integrating sex and can’t share feelings well, but they are sexually charged and may perform well on this level.
An individual affected by this wound hates and avoids emotional display, being touched (physically or emotionally), dancing (especially where a flexible body is needed) and exuberance or any kind. The energy of the heart is blocked, and the energy of the head dominates. They (men and women alike) tend to prefer the company of men.
This personality often resists therapy or counselling due to the notion that they must be perfect, and getting help an admission of failure. Often it is only after their own self-controlling efforts to run their life to the illusion of perfection have failed, that they enter therapy in crisis.
Unwinnable Game
As children, people with this wound did not get praise or affection unless they performed, so they feel that they must perform to get approval and always strive to be better. This left the child stuck at the stage of child development of seeking to feel love and acceptance who they really are, they become skilled at determining what actions and skills will earn them love and approval.
The game you’re instinctively playing is this: if you can accomplish enough, be competent enough, or be successful enough, then you will feel accepted, loved and secure. But this is a never ending hamster wheel that never fills the insatiable need of the wound.
The only resolution is to heal the wound and restore a connection with a inner sense that it’s safe to let go of the perfectionism and constant drive to do — and to open your heart, be loved for who you are, and experience inner peace.
Until the wound is healed, you’ll continue to attract people and situations that trigger the wound, and you’ll feel the “ouch” of this wound over and over.